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  • Trump's Twin Daughters


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Trump's Twin Daughters

Trump's Twin Daughters

I am Donald Trump’s adolescent twin daughters. I am the nice one, but I am the slutty one.

Matt Damon's Nose

Matt Damon is very slowly run over by a car. When the car comes off him on the other side,  his nose has been shaved off completely. Also, he has lost three fingers on his left hand.



I Will Handle This

I lift the toilet seat and discover a poop the size of a housecat. I scream. You say I WILL HANDLE THIS and you carry your trident into the bathroom to spear the poop.


Laurie and Lou are Tall

Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson are freakishly tall. I give them an awkward hug. I tell them how good it is to see them.

Mark has Head Stalks

A couple is arguing in the street. The man is Mark Wahlberg. Mark has head stalks.

Raisins or Mold

Something at the back of the fridge smells like it has gone off. I poke at it, but it is hard to tell if the dark spots are raisins or mold. I put it back in the fridge, and close the door.

Front Street Planter

I wake up in a planter on Front Street with no clothes on.

Orange Cat Tail

We find a severed orange cat tail beside the front door. How mysterious, we think.

Hockey Raccoon

A small raccoon lives in a red cone dangling from the goalie’s belt.

Leaky Canal


My mother and I are hired to fix a leaky canal. In order to figure out where the leak is, we pee in the water. We follow the trail of pee to the leak, where we build a dam.