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  • Trump's Twin Daughters

 

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Kitchen Toilet

Kitchen Toilet

I’M IN HERE! you call out when I knock. I find you sitting on the toilet in the middle of the kitchen. WHAT? you ask.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan in the Bathtub

Jeffrey Dean Morgan in the Bath

I attend a performance where the audience walks through an occupied apartment and observes the goings-on. It’s like .. reality theatre. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is in the bathtub. He breaks the fourth wall in order to meet me, and invites me up to his room.

Mystery Underpants

Unmentionables

It takes me forever to pack up all my things. The chambermaid comes in to clean the bathroom. I sing old jazz songs as I pack, and she sings perfect harmonies. I find some underpants that are not mine under the bed, but I decide not to mention them.

Eyebrow

Eyebrow

My mother comes out of the bathroom with one enormous black eyebrow drawn on. “HOW DO I LOOK?” she asks

Bathtub Apolcalypse

Bathtub Apocalypse

After the apocalypse, I try to escape the city. I can’t find a boat, so I launch a bathtub into the river. I paddle with my hands, searching for a deserted island. But all the islands have people on them, and I don’t play well with others.

Toilet Cat

Toilet Cat

I find our long-lost cat sitting in the toilet. He’s been in there all along. We just hadn’t noticed.

Biggie's Poop

Biggie's Poop

My bathroom is being renovated, so my landlady shows me to the bathroom in the downstairs apartment. She looks inside to make sure there is toilet paper for me, and yells : BIGGIE! YOU DIDN’T FLUSH YOUR POOP!

It is apparently Biggie Smalls’ apartment. Biggie isn’t dead.

Bring Me a Damn Plunger

toilet plunger

The toilet is plugged up. I keep yelling to you guys to BRING ME A DAMN PLUNGER but you ignore me.