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  • Trump's Twin Daughters

 

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Two Gary Buseys

Two Gary Buseys

Two undercover police officers in pink furry coats are investigating the murder of a young girl. They are both Gary Busey.

Definitely Not Mice

Definitely Not Mice

I discover that my bed is built over an underground Ferris wheel, with cage-like gondolas. Inside each cage there are terrible things .. Starving dogs. Dead bodies. Nothing good. There had been noises under my bed, which I now realize were DEFINITELY NOT MICE.

Playing Dead

Playing Dead

We are taking turns lying down and pretending to be dead. Two girls come in, and also lie down and pretend to be dead. One of them is pixelated from her waist to her knees. After a while the pixels go away, and we see that she has given birth to a fully grown Chinese woman.

House on Fire

House on Fire

My grandmother is not dead. We set fire to her house on the ground floor. As the fire starts to spread, we go upstairs to gather our things. When we come back downstairs, we notice that the fire has put itself out – but there is a fair bit of damage. Ever the pragmatist, my grandmother says that we should probably get started with the repairs.

Biggie's Poop

Biggie's Poop

My bathroom is being renovated, so my landlady shows me to the bathroom in the downstairs apartment. She looks inside to make sure there is toilet paper for me, and yells : BIGGIE! YOU DIDN’T FLUSH YOUR POOP!

It is apparently Biggie Smalls’ apartment. Biggie isn’t dead.

Black Breath

Wasting Disease

You lie in a hospital bed, dying of a wasting disease. A stranger stands at the head of your bed. He bends down and breathes on your face. Wherever he breathes, your face turns black. Slowly the darkness spreads, until you are at peace.

Rotini Worms

Parasitic Worms

I am on vacation in Dubai. After swimming all day in the Gulf, I notice a golf-ball sized blister on my thigh. After some difficulty, I manage to pop it. Inside are dozens of parasitic worms that look like overcooked rotini noodles.

Neck Capsule

Neck Capsule

I am part of an elite group of female assassins. For my first mission, I must kill a middle-aged woman. She is sitting on her couch waiting for us, and accepts that her death is a necessary part of the society we live in. To kill her, I insert a small capsule into a hole in the back of her neck. She froths a bit, and takes a long time to die. I ask the other women if this is normal. It happens sometimes, they say.

Severed Arm

helicopter

I am flying a helicopter mission in India, in high winds. While trying to land on the top of a building to rescue some people, I chop off a couple of their arms. On my second attempt, I manage to get most of the people off the top of the building.

Dead Body

dead body

We are building a tiny house in the woods. Down the road, some people are building a bigger house, on a bigger property. When we find a dead body in our yard, we bring it over to their place. We leave the body on their lawn. We figure, they are pretty rich. They are probably be better equipped to deal with a dead body.