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  • Trump's Twin Daughters

 

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Tyrion Protests

Tyrion Protests

I am Tyrion Lannister. When I am captured, I rip the wiring harness out of your motorcycle in protest.

Jimi and the Owls

Jimi and the Owls

The new craft at summer camp is drawing chalk owls on the carpets. Jimi Hendrix excels at owls.

Joni Mitchell's Head

Joni Mitchell's Head

I keep Joni Mitchell’s head on my piano. Occasionally I reach up and tickle her under her chin. I say : WHO’S A PRETTY GIRL?

Tom Petty's Hair

Tom Petty's Hair

People have always told me that I look like Tom Petty except more bald. I ask a hairdresser to fix up my hair exactly like his. Then, I walk through the city pretending to be Tom Petty. People buy me drinks.

Prince's Car Keys

Prince's Car Keys

DREAM #107 : I ask Prince to give me his car keys. He says he will, after he finishes singing Baby Got Back in the hotel restaurant. The guests applaud politely, and Prince hands me his keys.

Tom Wilson

Tom Wilson

Tom Wilson is looking for a new singer for his band. The men audition in the Men’s Locker Room, and the women audition in the Women’s Locker Room. I walk past the Men’s. Someone inside is singing the Cake cover of I Will Survive. Tom seems to like it. I try to enter the Women’s, but the door squeals and they shush me.

Biggie's Poop

Biggie's Poop

My bathroom is being renovated, so my landlady shows me to the bathroom in the downstairs apartment. She looks inside to make sure there is toilet paper for me, and yells : BIGGIE! YOU DIDN’T FLUSH YOUR POOP!

It is apparently Biggie Smalls’ apartment. Biggie isn’t dead.

Tupac aka Richard

Tupac is Richard Now

We are moving into a new apartment. As we enter the lobby, the concierge comes toward us. He is definitely Tupac Shakur, and we exclaim loudly at his being alive. He says : SHHHH I GO BY RICHARD NOW. Later, he gives us three passes to the new Star Wars movie, to say thank-you for keeping his secret.

Samuel Jackson is Grateful

Samuel is Grateful

Once a year Samuel Jackson smokes $14k in crack until his money gives out. I catch him after only a couple of thousand dollars have been spent. We go together to his apartment in New York, where he asks me to hide the remaining $12k. I hide it in the crawlspace above the hall closet, where he tells me they hid Jews during the war. In a gym bag. Samuel is grateful.